If a teenager throws a ball through the window he should pay to have it repaired. Accountability is what you demand and exact when they are caused to answer for the way they have handled their responsibility. If you fail to hold them accountable, they are in fact not responsible. It is much easier to do it ourselves, but the children must learn, and the burden falls on us to stay involved for their sakes. I have observed a beautiful principle. The children most accountable to act responsibly are the happiest and most secure in love and grounded in good will.
You learn to love your neighbor one act of caring at a time. This could have been a list of ten or fifteen ways parents destroy their children without trying, but these six are about all we can stand in one dose. I know there has been a movement to disbelieve the passage as the Holy Spirit inspired it, but the fact remains that when they are trained right they stay right without interruption until they are old.
I am an example of right training, as is my wife. My five children were trained in the way they should go and I now see all twenty of my grandchildren more on the way being trained that way. I will not lower the standard, and you should not lower your expectations because of the poor results others are experiencing.
Those who fail should not deny the standard but humbly admit their failure to have trained properly. They can analyze the reasons for their failure and have added wisdom to contribute to those parents who are still in the game training their kids. Humbly ask your wayward son where you went wrong. If you cannot let go of the anger and resentment toward him or you spouse, and you cannot humble yourself enough to listen to him instead of condemn, then truly there is no hope for the rest of your children.
I have seen families lose their first child to the world, but take it as a wakeup call, and revive their hearts and efforts, resulting in saving the other children from the same fate. Your Website URL : optional e. Views expressed in the Comments section are not necessarily the views of No Greater Joy Ministries, and are in no way endorsed by us. Please be aware that we moderate all incoming comments to ensure no spam, hateful, explicit, or unhelpful content gets posted. This is done to protect our readers and keep our website clean, family-oriented, and safe.
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These new-agers, born in the s fail to recognize the bible as having any value in our everyday lives. Keeping our kids out of the hands of depression, anger, porn, gluttony, gambling, alcohol, sexual impurity and the like is no easy task. Temptations lure them in every direction. It takes pure honesty so that the child can solve the problem of foolishness in his or her own self. Being raised in a public school was a challenge. Did my parents know better? Fools beget fools. When the process of understanding how noah fit all those animals on the ark is examined thoroughly and joyfully, our society will quit littering the minds of our youngsters with greed and unnecessary baggage and murdering to fill the minds and hearts of our society.
Our children were never spanked. The results was three wonderful, intelligent, and loving adults the youngest is I know of several families where children were spanked, and the result was complete and utter chaos. The answer is treating you children as responsible beings from as soon as the are capable of making their own decisions, no matter how small. Let them grow by learning and being as independent as they are able to be for their age.
I was spanked, and I turned out fine. I know many people who were not spanked and they are some of the most spoiled rotten adult-children I have ever met, and they disrespect their parents and spouses in ways that I never would have dreamed talking to my own parents, or my wife. You should not break off a large rigid tree branch and beat and bruise your child to death, but it may be appropriate to swat him a few times with a bare hand and flick of the wrist.
If discipline is administered out of love Prv ; Heb , he will not die Prv Watch out for advocates of postmodern psychology who liberally reinterpret and replace biblical teachings with new age ideas like an alleged biblical prohibition on spanking. Is that why pregnant, unmarried girls were shipped off to maternity homes? Is that why every other wedding was a shotgun wedding? Is that why some kids came to school with bruises from beatings?
Is that why Valium became a household word? What about the Dads who came home home late almost every night, after first stopping off for a few drinks at the bar? What about the Moms who nursed their drinks all day long, hiding the bottles under the kitchen sink? I thought that paragraph was describing the TV programs of that era which were idealistic , as opposed to actual society at the time. You misunderstood the article. It did NOT say that 50 yrs ago there were none of those problems.
It specifically compares TV programs and movies!! Smiling many times a day at my children and not responding in constant displeasure has certainly changed our home life recently. I grew up with permissive parents who shamed and manipulated us into obeying. They are a great encouragement to keep it up. I enjoyed this article. I would love to see it re-written from the positive standpoint though — and it would be easy to while still explaining the destructive tendency of failures in these areas. In fact some of these were such timely reminders for me that I took the six headings and re-wrote them positively to put them on a stickie note on my computer:.
Make time for her. Be an example. Express pleasure in her frequently! Enforce boundaries. Be closely involved in her choices of friends. Give her responsibility and hold her accountable. I really enjoyed these hard truths. As I can appreciate the 6 ways parents destroy their children without knowing it as the title, because the negative examples allow for us to identify and relate easily with where we most definitely feel we have gone wrong.
I say this as if I raised adult children of my own but in fact I am the adult child reading this article to understand where my parents went wrong. My parents are certainly ones that I believe have failed in all 6 ways withOut a doubt. To mist people what they faced in marriage was very normal and all they needed was classes to learn how to get to a healthier loving relationship where they learned the godly way to be husband and wife.
Six Ways Parents Destroy Their Children Without Trying - No Greater Joy Ministries
But both stopped seeking God, house was out of order. And so my sister and I suffered for it. Always growing up with anger …almost exactly as the author in this article wrote in one of the beginning paragraphs. I pray against this generational curse in the name of Jesus Christ.
I will not abandon my kids the way my parents have, I have already been dealing with self pity and regret because I feel like I am not meant to be a parent at my young age. I feel robbed of my freedom. But the Lord is making me stronger and wiser and I am seeking the Lord to help me correct all my wrongs and to help me learn and manage being a 26 year old single mother of 4 kids because I have no idea how to raise these kids. I praise God for giving me this chance to be a good woman who is wise to build up her home, and not be like my mom who tore it down with her own hands.
Please pray for me if you are reading this. Blessings to you all. These headings are perfect for positive reminders! You have to write the headings with that tone to make sense with the title, so they could not be rewritten. The title is very catching too and made me want to stop and read the article when I have very little time for that these days! When I read people expound on that verse, I always think of a certain family. They did everything right. But they modeled everything you discussed in this article.
They associated with other families who did the same. Families whose adult children are a credit to their parents. They homeschooled. They spent time with their kids. They set a good example in every way. And their two daughters never rebelled. Their son is a different story. He rebelled. But not right away. At age 20 there was no inkling—at least, none that outsiders could see.
He was taking college classes, but still living at home. His dream was to fly, and eventually he left home to go to a flight school in another state. Then I heard rumors that he was listening to worldly music. But then I saw him at a camp meeting and he seemed fine. It was not easy, apparently, to depart from the way he had been raised. But at some point, he exercised his freewill and left God and family behind. He got a job as a model and tried to get onto the acting scene. He basically tried to get as far from his upbringing as possible. And now I sense that he is beginning the process of repentance.
This family is part of a family-oriented ministry not unlike NGJ. They have a very public profile. I was friends with their daughters. And I knew their closest friends and ministry associates. The other three families that they were most closely associated with in ministry have all had no rebellion problems so far. Their adult children are all examples of godly young adults. One family has teenagers, and they are the happiest teens you could ever want to meet, not a hint of rebellion anywhere in them. These are the people this young man associated with growing up.
I honestly believe the parents did the right thing. Yet he rebelled after he left home. I once saw a study that said the 1 reason why kids rebel is the attraction of the world. Adam and Eve chose to fall, even in the best environment possible. My point is, sometimes it happens. Sometimes parents do all the right things and the kids still rebel—not while they are at home, but later. But the blessing is that their upbringing will shape them nonetheless and make it easier to repent later.
I agree with this article for the most part. Not every public school child is bad, just like not every homeschooled or private schooled child is good. Thank you, Noelle! We are a God-fearing family of six and do not enjoy circumstances which allow me to homeschool. I was agreeing with so much until that point…then it gave me a horrible taste in my mouth. I am certain that there will always be children we should keep our own children from keeping company with, both in public school, AND in Christian schools and home schools. What you stated there is wrong, and I am saddened to know this as it will turn a lot of people away from what is otherwise really good information.
How sad and biased. What is wrong with Public School? Would that not be an great time for children to set an example and show others the love of God? So that maybe they can be an example of good, and all the right upbringing that they are receiving? Or witness to a child who otherwise may not get the message of God? I agree with you Sandy. My children are in public school and at school conferences their teachers always comment on what a joy they are to have in the classroom. What a true testimony to being raised in a Christian home these public school children can be to teachers, staff and other children.
I was offended by the implication that somehow because my children are in public school that I would not know who their friends are. I do happen to know who their friends are and some of their non-Christian friends have better manners and upbringing than do their other friends. Yes, my children do hang out with non-Christian children…and when they come over they see how our Christian family lives.
Jesus dined with sinners…. Actually Christians are supposed to judge, but judge righteously and not hypocritically. We are to be set apart from the world and this does include home schooling if one has the ability to home school. Keep in mind, Jesus did not come to bring peace, but division.
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Lots of churches also fail to teach repentance. Agree with Noelle. I want to homeschool, in fact we used to homeschool, but my husband wants them in public school. I loved this article and found it both convicting as well as encouraging. I grew up with fighting and divorce so I had bad examples. Thank you for the reminder of voicing displeasure often.
You have made me more aware of my attitude and words and even facial expressions toward my son. I know he longs for my approval and to see me pleased with his efforts. All my nieces and nephews have gone to public schools and sometimes at the park there are less than kind and friendly children. After all, but for His grace, we are ALL unlovely!
Thank you so much for this article! I struggle with showing displeasure to my oldest 12yrs old. I have two children and I have started homeschooling this year. It has been a process of undoing all the outward influences mainly- in my daughter. She is incredibly bright and very intelligent. I find myself often saying something positive about her followed by a ,But… I can also reflect on my past as a pre-teen and see that I was lazy, stubborn and afraid to try.
My mother spent alot of time showing frustration with me and yelling. She has some of my old short comings. So now, I guess I feel that its my call of duty to push her since, I was never pushed.
But, push her to try when she feels less confident. She has a melt down every time complete with tears and drama. I lose my temper most of the time. I blew it again!! Now what God? Not all Christian parents can reasonably afford to send their children to private schools, and who is to say that all private school kids are more well-behaved? Same with private school kids in Australia where I now live.
My mother taught me to read at the age of three. By 6th grade, I had a 12th grade reading comprehension. And these were college level books- I only realized later. My mother taught me by example, that if you can read you can learn anything you want, and that was a great liberating thing. This was her desire to learn. She taught herself the Navajo language out of a book, just because she wanted to.
When you train your kids that learning is fun, they will choose to do the right thing with their reading gift. And they go step by step, and lay all the rules out plainly. It was such a good program I remembered it for many years, even today, and I am The old school teachers taught real phonics and dipthongs, and greek and latin roots. And the books they used had all these. For me it was just review and detail of the history of words, but I always loved words and always love to learn more.
Hi there! My husband is a youth pastor and I have seen one bad apple spoil the bunch on more than one occasion, but that bad apple could be from a homeschool family, a private Christian school, or public school. I have known many Christian school kids that were a horrible influence.
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I have known many public school kids that endeavored to stand out above the crowd for the cause of Christ. And vice versa. We are ALL sinners. We all have to make the conscious decision to follow Christ or our flesh. Circumstances that they probably have not chosen. Are these the kind of people that we want to be? Is this the next generation of the Church? Where is the love in this?
Look on the heart, not on the school id. They are easily swayed by their peers. There is huge difference between carefully guiding our children toward wise, godly friends made known by fruit in their lives and making sweeping judgements about people groups. Jesus was a great example for us regarding friendships. Luke 7 tells us that he was a friend of publicans and sinners. He loved them. He taught them. He ate with them. I understand the desire to protect our children. Really, I do. I have two little ones and will most definitely monitor their friendships.
But I will not teach them to exclude others because of where they attend school. Proverbs is not a book of promises, It is a book of precepts. Each person has a free will to choose how they will go. They are not automatons who must serve God because their parents trained them properly.
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This article is so sad. A faith that only works in sheltered sub-cultures of the christian world is bollocks. Perhaps so many children leave because they see parents walking in fear and legalism. Keep on drawing the reigns tighter and tighter, you will make your children despise Christianity and turn their backs on Jesus. I have learned to look at the fruit when people write things like this. His grandchildren are headed in the same direction.
There are a lot of reasons to keep kids out of public schools—enough that if everyone knew them, no one would send their kids to public schools. Honestly, when my children are young and impresionable, I am very concerned about influences. Most incidents happen when kids fall out of the cart or the cart tips over.
First, if the child is old enough, ask them to walk with you, or consider an alternative like a wagon or a stroller. If that's not possible, see if you can find a cart with child seat that's lower to the ground. Finally, always make sure that the safety straps are fastened snugly around your child and stay near the cart at all times — it can be very easy for kids to tip a cart over while they're sitting in it. It might make your kid's birthday party the talk of the neighborhood, but a bounce house or similar inflatable poses a real risk for getting hurt.
A study found that bounce-house injuries shot up fold between and — partly because bounce houses are becoming more popular and partly because parents can now buy DIY inflatables that may not be as safe, researchers told TIME in Roughly 30 kids a day end up in the ER because of a bounce house injury — the most common are fractures or sprains in the legs or arms. The Child Injury Prevention Alliance recommends limiting bounce houses to kids ages 6 or older, and ideally only letting one child bounce at a time.
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If not, try to make sure all children inside the bounce house are roughly the same size. Removing shoes, glasses, and jewelry is important, too — as is avoiding rough play like wrestling. When a kid's throwing an epic tantrum in a public place, a parent might be tempted to use an old threat: If you don't come with me right now, I'm leaving you here. Need help convincing your kid to follow the rules? Here are three tips from a pro hostage negotiator and dad for getting kids to do what you want.
Doctors say they frequently treat kids who have broken legs as a result of riding down slides in their parents' lap. If a child's foot gets stuck on the side of the slide during the ride down, the force of the full-grown adult behind him them can cause the bone to break.
I thought it was doing something good for my child by having them sit on my lap. Doctors told the New York Times that you should let kids go down the slide by themselves with supervision if they're old enough. If they're not, one study suggests , simply choose a different playground activity. Or, if you want to ride down with your child in your lap, remove their shoes and make sure their feet don't touch the surface of the slide.
It's no surprise that kids are tempted to eat bright and colorful laundry detergent pods — they really do look like candy. A staggering 17, kids were poisoned by pods between and , one study found. And he got fired from a job he cared about, without any warning or rationale. He seemed just about as broken as a young man can be. I too had been through a tough year — my brother killed himself, one of my best friends died a slow death from cancer, and I had a serious setback in my work life.
But all of that was mild compared to the agony of watching my handsome, vigorous son kicked to the ground. I wanted to be by his side constantly, I wanted to go out and hurt those who had hurt him, arrange new work for him, bring beautiful women to my home where he had come to live and yet I wanted to get as far away as possible, just to avoid the pain his pain was causing me.
I longed for help. I thought of starting a support group for parents of adult children. Talking to others might just make me feel worse. Then I began to hear that others — the butcher, my neighbor, my oldest friend — were feeling a similar sense of anguish. Who knew? It was like staring at one of those three-d patterns in a drawing, which emerges when you hold the page at a certain distance. Suddenly I could see the uncertainty and worry that all the parents of grown children around me were feeling. Between my work, and the time spent Skyping and phoning my sons about their problems, who had time for a support group?
He was on the phone, describing a crisis in his graduate studies. As usual, my first response was a palpitating heart and sick stomach.
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