She would snap at Eli and then regret it. Eli would feel hurt and withdraw. Any tenderness or affection he may have felt for Kate evaporated. Kate wanted to hug Eli and recapture those warm, loving, comfortable perfect moments of intimacy that they seemed to have in abundance in their first year of marriage.
She wanted to bring it back so badly that she was hurt and scared when her efforts to attract Ellis failed. Eli and Kate both felt a loss of connection.
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Each one silently blamed the other for changing. They were at an impasse, desperate to rekindle their intimacy fire and bask in its glow. So how can Kate and Eli rescue themselves from this pit of loneliness and disconnection? They have to have a new wish for intimacy in the here and now and hang onto it. But they also have to give up the wish to return to the early days and just relive the experience. The new wish is real and achievable.
6 Secrets to a Lasting Love: Recapturing Your Dream Marriage by Gary Rosberg
That wish to have emotional and physical intimacy at this moment, four years into their more mature relationship holds the secret to improving the quality of the connection with each other. When I first suggested playing to Eli and Kate they were embarrassed and dismissed the idea. They thought it was silly and childish.
They thought it was a crazy idea. Here is the advice I gave to Kate and Eli.
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Play WITH your partner instead of alongside your partner. It does not mean golf, or board games that are competitive or intellectual. Those formal games set up all sorts of expectations fed by past experiences. They create distance. Playing with your partner brings out a desire to engage from a place of spontaneity, enjoying the moment of togetherness for its own sake. Intimacy has a space to grow safely and remain available after play time ends. Kate and Eli agreed to do one playful thing that they had both enjoyed in the past —cycling on a tandem bike. They bumped and jostled together. In order to benefit from these authors we must read.
You need to read. I found myself flying through my books.
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I had made deadlines for myself that I had to keep. But when you read too fast or too much at one time you miss out on the beauty of words and the encouragement the author wants to give you.
You will remember very little, if anything, and in the end you will have wasted precious time. Instead, slow down. Forget about reading 30 books in one year. Pick a good book and walk with the author through their thoughts and ideas.
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Underline, highlight, take notes, in short, study what you are reading so when you are done you know that book very well. Read them thoroughly. Bathe in them until they saturate you. Read and reread them…digest them. It is very easy to replace reading the Bible with reading other books. Either we feel that we have become very familiar with what the Bible says and so we get bored. And so we turn to books. But books written by men are not living and active like the word of God.
They cannot pearce heart and soul Heb. They can encourage and teach us, but only the Bible can change us in the deepest way. If your time is limited then always chose the Bible first, the reward is greater than any book ever written by man. Your email address will not be published. Recipe Rating. Live in the Bible It is very easy to replace reading the Bible with reading other books.
Jen Thorn Contributor. I grew up in Germany and spent a few years as a missionary kid in Africa. I ended up at Moody Bible Institute where I met my husband and best friend.
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