She would lie to our mother about me, saying that I was following boys and watching them play ball in a venue in the town. It turned out years later she was the one who frequented that venue as a young girl. She would call me names, saying that I was ugly with a pug nose, buck teeth and that my bones stuck out through my face. I believed her.
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She continued on into old age. If I looked good or was feeling good, she would make sure by saying something nasty that I would be demoralised, upset and struggling not to cry. If I sat down beside her at a function, she would immediately get up and move to the other side of the table. She would try to rubbish my husband too. She has never let go of abusing me. I had to walk away at the age of 50, as I could not cope with the trauma of her bullying abuse anymore. As a result, I have lost my family but I had no other choice.
My younger brother often got me in countless troubles with my parents because I was unable to express to them about what happened. They always listened to my brother first. Eventually, I found out my mum was the one who enabled him and still does because she resented having me due to my deafness. She will never admit to it. My Dad is a good man but is not good at fixing relationships. Nowadays, I am struggling to get out of this bad pattern as I kept attracting people who like to put me down. I am trying to break this cycle. All our lives she has passively bullied me.
She has always regarded me with disapproval and every comment has always been laced with ridicule or disbelief. Her reactions to every accomplishment I achieved have been hostile. She has always been jealous of my thinner figure and successful relationship with my long -term partner. She cannot bear to talk to me on the phone and has not called me in years. The last time I phoned her, she took a long call from her then-boyfriend while I waited on the line.
It was a boy I had dated when I was younger — not that I cared about him but I found it so rude. I always thought it was something I was doing wrong. We fought at times but made things up. But it went south when we became adults. It began with a row. I called her out on her negativity and her snubbing of a family member. It led into three years of pure hell on earth which is still ongoing. She made it clear to me she wanted nothing more to do with me and I was dead to her if only. She has taunted me with abuse and harassment over the past few years — 1,s of private number calls, 1,s of abusive messages, s of threats to sabotage my life.
It can be a formidable force to deal with. Individually, they are bullies, but together they are too much and in the past have overwhelmed me, causing a lot of hurt. Both possess very bad, instantly eruptive tempers. The eldest is just out and out jealous, I really believe they are sociopaths. The bullying is emotional, mental, financial, with a few incidences of the physical mixed. It is done openly in private, and covertly and with subtly in public. My parents are deceased but they would be ashamed. I wish more was done about sibling rivalry. My parents were always going to the law.
I know enough about my parents lives to believe that parental dysfunction is always at the core of sibling abuse. Cruelty and hurt are generational. When I was 11 years old a local shop owner rang the house where I lived and ask me what I was going to do about the fact my mother was slumped over the wheel of her car drunk outside her store.
Most days and nights were a variation on this. People looked the other way. You can see how a little sibling bullying could get lost in all of this. I wonder how many children have been driven to suicide by their siblings? My brother and I were a few years younger than the older siblings and so we spent most of our childhood together. He had a very difficult relationship with my father growing up. My father drank and was physically abusive towards my brother. My stomach would fill with dread.
I used to sit at the top of the stairs and listen to the crying and screaming. The anguish and torment in the voices. Usually, my mother would become involved and do her best to break up them apart. I was intelligent and cheeky and a bit of a show-off. When we argued together, over the usual trivial childish squabbles a missing My Little Pony or a broken toy car , inevitably his temper would flash and I knew I was in for it.
He was much bigger and stronger than I. That did not stop him from putting his full force behind his punches. At the time, I could not understand why he would pummel me; someone he supposedly loved and whom he should want to protect, not hurt. In hindsight I believe he wanted someone to take all of his hurt out on and that person was me, his younger sister.
I dared not tell my father for fear it would cause another row to break out. My mother was weak, and turned a blind eye to all the abuse I suffered at the hands of my brother growing up. He was a bully then and he still is a bully in adulthood. The years have passed and we are adults now. But the abuse has continued. During a heated argument a few years ago, he grabbed me by the throat and shoved me against the wall.
I was so shocked. It was like we were 12 and nine again.
Since that incident, I keep my distance and we only see each other a handful of times a year. When we do cross paths nowadays, he ignores me. That is his new form of bullying. I believe it has affected me considerably. I avoided relationships for many years because of my mistrust of men.
My sister is 13 years older than me. I can vaguely remember the physical abuse as a child.
I was only 4 but I remembered she tormented me mentally and physically. We never had a relationship. There were older brothers between us but she never bothered them. She married young and had a dysfunctional marriage and I seen very little of her. Then I married and had children and she came back with a vengeance. The bullying started again and the control. She was so jealous of the relationship I had with my mother but my mother was so scared of her.
She became very vindictive and as I was friendly with her daughters she set out to destroy that. She succeeded and she said she would make sure her family would have nothing to do with me. People are so scared of her and she bullies and controls them and they let her. She even destroyed my relationship with one of my brothers.
There has been no contact for over 20 years.
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All because I was a girl and my mother loved me. With her manipulation over the years she has actively undermined, mocked, intimidated, turned my parents and siblings away from me, and actively excluded me from family occasions. I recognised this over the years and friends have warned me to be careful — her power over my siblings and parents is astounding and toxic.
After an awful six weeks where my kids have witnessed her at her best and me feeling trapped in a circle of an abusive relationship, I was utterly relieved to read these articles and they have given me courage and strength. I could deal with the comments, I am the height and shape I am not overweight at all , and I like ordinary life. I was completely torn when I told them excitedly that I was expecting my first child — first grandchild in our family.
I thought it would unite us — very, very wrong. Neither of my two children have ever been acknowledged and there has been no contact for seven years now. They do not help in the care of our mother. My bully was my older brother. My emotionally vulnerable mother regarded my very unsuited brother as some kind of replacement. He was a brute. Every opportunity to belittle, intimidate and assault my brother and sister and I was relished by him.
The details are too depressing to relay. Today, he is like many survivors of perpetrated abuse; he is in constant denial mode. More than that, he seeks always to attack his victims if he suspects we might be critical of him. He has a cover story and he forces it on anyone that might listen to it. He has successfully managed to blacken the names of his victims in the eyes off his immediate circle. If you like, the circle of abuse, complete.
Lacking any kind of support or defender I was psychologically crushed and incredibly vulnerable to the point that I have internalised many of his insults and taunts and, for the longest time, believed them to be absolutely and undeniably true that, for instance, I was obese, actually clinically obese, when, in fact, I was, and am, underweight well into adulthood. It is so incredibly unjust that it infuriates me sitting here.
Through lies, she ostracised me from immediate and extended family. When you guys get in a fight, you will get yelled at for not being the more mature one. You are the built-in babysitter, and you've always watched your younger siblings for free. You are always supposed to set a good example, meaning that your parents have probably always been harder on you than anyone else.
Another negative side effect of being expected to be the responsible one? Your younger siblings will constantly call you "bossy. Maybe you are! Can anyone really blame you when you were essentially groomed to be that way? As the oldest, you enjoyed at least one year of being the only child in your parents' lives. You were dotted on, obsessed over, and smothered with love.
Then your younger sibling came around, and, well, you kind of got pushed aside. Chances are good that the first few years of their lives were spent with you acting jealous and bratty, trying to get attention. Chances are also good that your parents and family members will never let you forget this. One of the positive things about being the oldest is that there were some things only you were able to do thanks to your age.
For example, you always got to pull rank and claim the front seat when getting in the car with your mom or dad because seniority rules. You got to get your driver's license first. It almost makes up for so many of the annoying situations you have to deal with every day. Sometimes, things end up being your fault. One of those annoying situations is the fact that you are always taking the blame. If they do something wrong that you once did in the past, your parents will claim that "they learned it from you. If something crazy goes down while you're babysitting them, it's your fault for not paying more attention.
Even as an adult, you are expected to set a great example in everything that you do. It's a lot of pressure. Another advantage to being the oldest is that you had a few good years when your younger siblings basically acted as your minions. When my sister was a kid, I made her do everything for me, from pouring me a glass of water even if I could have gotten it myself to forcing her to pretend she did something I did we both knew my parents would be less hard on her. Younger siblings don't just help themselves to your clothes, tech items, and personal belongings; they also want to steal your friends as well.
Are you really an older sibling if you haven't had a little brother or sister tag along with you no matter what you're doing? Infuriatingly enough, your parents allowed it to happen, and probably sometimes even encouraged it. One of the best things about being the oldest is playing pranks on your younger siblings.
Younger sisters will believe you about almost anything. At a certain point, you become the person your younger siblings turn to when they're fighting with your parents or trying to get different advice. You will find yourself stuck in the middle between them and your parents at least once a month, and getting out of that is basically impossible.
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You want to be fun and exciting, but you also want them to depend on you. You don't want to tell on them, but you can't get over how unfair it is that they had so many less rules than you did. It's hard to find a happy middle. You're always looking out for your younger siblings. Sure, you can take badly about your younger sibling for hours on end to anyone who will listen, but if they dare to pipe in with their own statement, you'll probably bite their head off.
Only an older sibling knows the intense protective feeling you have over this person you fight with every single day. Your younger siblings will be the first people to remind you of just how old you're getting, and they'll make fun of you forever. But they also make you feel old without even trying. Watching them grow up and do adult things like date people, go to college, graduate college, and get engaged can be incredibly strange.
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