It should be. Careless bondage is dangerous and the emotional intensity of a good SM or bondage scene is fantastically powerful. We are in the business of pushing limits and sometimes we will push too hard. It happens to all of us. Submissives, learn to be forgiving. Dominants, learn to forgive yourselves and be carefull The point of SM is to get someone to surrender her physical self to you, and, as surely as whips crack, her heart and mind will soon follow. Please take good care of these three items. People are very, very fragile beings, even you tough-guy sadists. Never be ashamed to drop the roles and the game when the going gets too rough and always be ready to offer a hug and a kiss to remind each other what this is all about to begin with.
Be honest, be trustworthy, be kind, and be ever-alert to the condition of the soul you are partnered with, dom or sub. The rewards are extraordinary and very much worth your trouble. No set of experiences typifies their childhood or the sexual values with which they were raised. They represent the full political wing-span, with convictions aligning with every feather from left to right.
They are heterosexual, homosexual, and bisexual. They are outspoken and quiet, playful and dry, thoughtful and reckless, adventurous and shy, regal and common.mail.botanix.co.il/the-changeable-child-the-berger-trilogy.php
Virgin Tentacle Sacrifice #4: Conquer (Rough Gay BDSM Tentacle Monster Erotica)
No one has ever found a common denominator among them save for this certain ember glowing amid the folds of imagination. Some can put a name and a place to the genesis of that spark, A picture, a dream, a scene in a movie, a story, a chance gesture made by a lover, or an intimate conversation overheard on the street that struck the flint and tinder of fantasy and, fostered by the wind of pleasure, grew from fantasy to sexual identity. Others cannot identify that first little fire; for these, it is as though the coals had been ignited at birth, perhaps even at conception.
We frequently keep our fantasies bottled-up within us because sharing them can be scary as hell, even with one as close as a spouse. In exposing these intimate slices of our identity we risk judgment, ridicule, and rejection. Ideally we find partners who care enough to meet our confessions with acceptance, understanding, and even dare we hope? For in the practice of sadomasochism, clear and free communication is a prerequisite. Without it, one treads on dangerous ground. With it. In SM we learn to reveal our fantasies openly, with the understanding that self-righteousness and condescension have no place in our discussions.
We gently and gratefully accept our mate's fantasies as gifts, realizing the courage, and often pain, involved in disclosing such intimate details of one's self. We look for a common ground between our two sets of fantasies, acknowledge the differences, and make decisions about those which we will pursue through the process we call negotiation. Then, we take that final, bold step with our lovers.
We summon our skills, trust, and knowledge to bring those deep, dark, dream demons to life, discovering that reality can eclipse imagination. Everyday, from bedrooms and dungeons all over the world, people are being launched far beyond the gravitational pull of earth, possibly into other dimensions. To illustrate our point, we have installed microphones and a one-way mirror in the bedroom of this modem couple. Voyeurs may take the seats In the first row, but please try not to steam up the mirror, Ladies, fear not, the seats are moisture resistant.
Still he didn't want her to feel she was being made fun of and covered his amusement with a gentle kiss. They were just too wild and embarrassing to teU. Yet her fantasies were compelling and satisfying. She gave into them night after night in the solitude of her bedroom, conjuring scenes of torture and rapture while indulging her hungry body in solitude beneath the sheets.
And she never told anyone. As a young woman, Terry teas drawn to worldly, self-confident men who assumed the lead in her relationships. Consciously or unconsciously she sought another quality in the men she bedded ; they were all a tittle bit scary. Love and caring were too frequently mingled with turbulence and abuse.
The men were bad to her and her self-esteem plummeted. It wasn't until she discovered people openly involved in sadomasochism that she began to understand her own passion. These people tempered their indulgences with respect Submissives and dominants were interdependent parts of a whole, a partnership in exploring sexuality. Submissives were revered, not objects of scorn. Among these people. Terry met Mark. She was immediately drawn to him. Mark's attraction to her was not only obvious, he startled her by telling her exactly what anatomical and personality traits he found so alluring. Yet, somehow, the charm, wit, and ease with which he made his observations disarmed her.
He was not at all pushy and honesty rang clearly from his every pronouncement Stitt, he seemed to enjoy hovering a hair's breath away from a slap to the face. As they spoke, Terry found herself unable to conceal anything from this extraordinary man. In their first afternoon together she had revealed secrets that she rarely admitted to herself. With every confession, she felt a growing trust and affection for Mark. He accepted each as a treasure, never taking her tightly, probing gently for the pieces that lay deeper than others. He mas just as open about himself and his sexuality, encouraging Terry to explore whatever caught her interest In only a few days, Terry knew Mark better than she had known any man before.
She knew, also, that she wanted him. Terry found Mark to be a wealth of information about the dark arts she had dreamed of since childhood- They laughed while trading sexual fantasies and admitting the teclmiques of SM that appealed to each and those that didn't. This handsome man made seduction such delicious fun! Now she prayed that her attraction had not clouded her judgment Because tonight he would plunge her into her most secret and terrifying cravings.
If what I'm doing is too much, if you become too frightened, or if for any other reason you want me to stop, just say your full name. I will stop everything immediately, " he paused watching Terry absorb the idea, T don't want you to feel the slightest bit self-conscious or embarrassed about using your safe-word. It is a normal part of the game and I won't mind at all if you want to take a break for a while or even stop altogether.
It is very important that you understand this. His lecture was oddly reassuring and intimidating at the same time. She stretched out on the bed trying to appear relaxed, though she was as nervous as a cat She couldn't seem to find a comfortable position for her arms. Mark let her struggle for a while, enjoying her little ordeal Finally he relented, cuddling next to her. Mark rose on an elbow to view her length: a suntanned, satin landscape of mlld-sloped hillocks, rolling one into the next, accented sparsely with fine. His took in every detail of her torso, crooning approval in a low, rumbling voice.
His hands skimmed across her body softly and skillfully, exploring each knoR and hollow, probing, spiral-Uke the well of the navel climbing the furry rise below, drifting down into the crevice to tickle the folds there. Gentle eroticism wasn't at aU. Then, she really hadn't known what to expect She came to Mark's apartment in spite of, or perhaps because of his reputed sexual tastes. When he confirmed the gossip, she had been fascinated.
His manner was informal yet commanding. She felt inescapably drau? It seemed to Terry that a feverish tide rose in her, following the path of Mark's hands. She shivered and her hips began to twitch beneath his fingertips. He began to massage the skin below her slit with one fingertip. The muscles there twitched and churned at his touch. He ordered her to spread her legs wider. Mark's fingers danced up and down the length of her labia, along the outside of the outer lips, smoothly with a fingertip, then scratching with a fingernail Slowly, tickling every nerve, his fingers worked toward the centers of her Ups, crawling ever so slowly over their crest before slipping quickly into the moist inner folds.
There, in the hot wet center of her, among Terry's slick, sensitive folds of flesh. There, on the left side of her hooded bud, she gasped as his fingertip found a good spot That finger stayed there, flicking up and down, up and down, in a steady rhythm that made her flesh seem to writhe. With the fingers of his other hand. Mark explored the lower regions, parting her deUcate inner lips, caressing the silken folds, lingering, here and there, to trace tiny circles on the slippery surface. Finally, his fingers found the mouth of her opening and skimmed its circumference, teasing the outer ring without entering.
His Jinger traveled round and round, sometimes softly, sometimes swiftly, often ever so slowly, and always the fingertip above flicked the hooded treasure at the top of her sex. It seemed terribly important to obey him, but Terry was losing the battle to remain still and silent. Mark was pleased. He strained with craving to take her then and there. Ciearly, she was desperate for it. He knew he could press Terry further into submission. As she dove ever deeper, he rose ever higher, riding a tide of god-Uke omnipotence, reveling in the power coursing through him.
His mind seemed to expand, able to absorb the tiniest details with a crystalline precision. For Mark, this was the essence of SM. Uninformed and inexperienced minds had dubbed these sexual traditions sadism and masochism, but giving and receiving pain are only the facade. SM is a mystical union, enrapturing the dominant in a rush of power and dissolving the will of the submissive, granting her, in its place, the freedom to experience pure sensation.
SM is sexual magic. In her condition, she would have agreed to anything. Mark rolled Terry onto her stomach and drew her to her knees, raising her ass. He spread her feet far apart and tied her ankles to the comers of the bed. Her arms were drawn back beside her legs and tied by the wrists to the same bed-comers. He slipped a blindfold over her eyes and kissed her.
She was grateful for it. Mark had reduced her to an object, naked and roped, like an animal, pinned down and positioned for fucking and there Ji loos nothing she could do about it no way of escape. She did not notice the incongruity, aii her feelings fused, saturating and warming her. Her mind was shutting down.
Thoughts came slowly. Mark positioned himself behind her kneeling between tier tethered legs. He continued to tease and caress. He leaned over her back to squeeze her breasts. Slipping on the condom, he let the tip of him bob between her thighs, slapping the wetness there. Terry's hips bucked with urgency. She wanted him in her, she needed to be filled. Instead, he slapped her ass. Though not very hard, it was unexpected, A shock.
There was a momentary sting, then a strange heat spread though her. Terry's hips jerked desperately and Mark matched her rhythm with stinging slaps. She was moaning on the verge of orgasm when he entered her roughly, but he haited his attack just in time to deny her that final free-falL He spanked harder as he moved within her. Mark steadied his pace. White-hot pressure swelled within every crevice of her body and she erupted in a pounding series of orgasms. She felt a push that seemed to come from within, driving her mind out of her body.
She was beyond reason and beyond awareness of her surroundings, floating, flying free. Terry came to very slowly. She had been untied without realizing it Mark was holding her. His face, a sculpture of tenderness, was the first thing she saw when at last she could open her eyes. Mark's tips curled to a smug grin. Terry chuckled at hts gloating, but he had earned it. She buried her face in his chest.
You might notice, though, that there's a certain detachment exhibited by Mark. Yet, her responses were so powerful he knew she could go much further. Fat chance.
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Without the ropes anchoring Terry to the bed, this mild scene might be confused with plain vanilla, but for certain elements that SMers will readily recognize. For one thing, Terry is both anxious and excited that she is about to try SM. Mark recognizes this and sets up the scene smoothly. He maintains an assertive and self-assured attitude. He is in no hurry to jump her bones. He takes his time to find out what he can about Terry and her fan- tasies. Then he goes about his business, expertly — masterfully, if you will.
These are all hallmarks of a veteran dominant. Terry readily buys into his attitude; it is exactly what she wants a man to do. In making SM work, the dom- inant introduces a level of discomfort, physical, emotional, or both. In this case. Mark employs conflict. He orders Terry to remain perfectly still and silent. She does her best Buckingham Palace guard imitation while he diddles around with her happy factory.
Mark is really good with his fingers and tongue. Terry begins to lose it. Shall I bind you to make it easier? He offers to tie her up to help her. What a gentleman! Mark lets the sexual tension build only so far, not enough to piss her off when he inter- rupts the action, but enough to unsettle her. She agreed to play the game and Experienced players leam to relax into bondage. Fair enough. Experienced players leam to relax into bondage. The first bondage experience sets off an internal depth-charge in new submissives and their sexual tension is stepped up another rung.
The position Terry is put into plays on another of her buttons. She is forced into a position that leaves her completely helpless and exposed. Mark coos over her naked and excited body t ellin g her how lovely she looks. This isn't idle admiration, he wants to fluster her. And flustered she is, both by his praise of her privates and their vulnerability, but there is nothing she can do -- then, he starts fondling her again!
Terry is struggling to reconcile her embarrassment over her exposed privates, the excitement and fear brought about by her first bondage, the delicious things that Mark is doing to her, and underlying it all, the control Mark is demonstrating over her. She chooses to trust Mark, she focuses only on him and what he is doing. In brain fade, one feels as if floating in water or that things are happening in slow motion. Trussed like a Christmas bird, Terry lets herself respond to the sexual teasing as Mark brings her closer and closer to orgasm. Then, all of the sudden, he whacks her.
For a moment she is shocked and confused, then she feels a wonderful heat radiating into her from the spank. He spanks her again and now she feels the heat more readily. Mark continues the spanking, emulating a rhythm common to intercourse and it has the same effect. Terry no longer feels the swats as pain at all. Mark feels her start to come and chooses that moment to enter her, pushing her even further.
The experience is so intense that Terry is transported. We call it flying, some call it melting away. This, ladies and gents, is SM. Mark takes a bow. Terry tries to curtsy, but her legs, at the moment, are made of silly putty. Is there any question, though, as to why we bother? For some, the ebb and flow of exchanging power is the draw. For others. Along with all the descriptives people use to portray SM: excitement, sensuality, control, adventure, joy, mystery, drama, romance, danger, and fear, almost everyone includes the same adjective: INTENSE!
For us, the intensity ranks first. Although SM is arguably an art. SM employs mental, physical, and strategic techniques that can be taught and learned. Trust and communication Making SM work is dependent upon developing honest, sincere communication and profound trust. The thing that sinks most sexual relationships, vanilla, SM, or otherwise, is the inability to let your partner know what is happening inside you. Let him know what pushes your buttons, what you are feeling, and what you fantasize about.
It is definitely easier to bare your body than it is to bare your soul, but giving your partner a peek at the real you has a huge payoff. Talking If you are busy hoping your partner will figure out how to twizzle your tweezle the way you like it twizzled, you will be less able to concentrate on the actual twizzling. The remedy Is talking about it. It takes a little guts, but it gets easier the more you do it.
He loves you and will appreciate knowing what you like. Show your partner the parts of your tweezle that raise and lower your eyebrows. Let him practice until your eyebrows are zipping up and down like bees' wings. Tell him to deep-six the vice- grips, that it took three weeks before you could twizzle again without screaming. The moral is: Twust your tweezle! Tell your fwiend what it wants! You have to trust your partner to do what you like and stay away from the things that are too much.
Find out what your part- Twust your tweezle! Tell ner's fantasies- are. Share yours. Propose your faiend what it wants! Don't you dare snicker while you are making this oath, it tends to erode trust. This is called negotiation. Negotiating your scenes is important enough that we have dedicated a whole chapter to it. Keep the lines of communication open and your creative juices ever-flowing. This sounds easier than it actually is.
You may think you already know all there is to know about your partner and for short periods of time this may be true. However, time alters feelings. Tricks and roles get stale. New roles become intriguing. Some of the gimmicks that you used to consider outrageous become indispensable parts of lovemaking. It is too easy to fall into patterns that, while comfortable, become boring shortly.
The important thing to remember when discussing sexual feelings is that most people are very shy about them and that the emotional impact of sexuality is very deeply ingrained in us. We would like to propose a few guidelines for communicating. Be prepared to bite your tongue in half before you laugh at his fetish. Listen carefully to what your partner is saying. Many people have trouble saying exactly what they mean. Accept your partner's opinions about his sexuality and himself. There is no right or wrong in the area of sexuality and emotions.
Conflicting opinions are not invalid, but can present a stumbling block. Try to find a way around the hurdles rather than trying to convince your partner to agree with your viewpoint. Opening up to someone is hard work. Thank your partner for giving you a part of himself. Give him a hug and a kiss to show your appreciation. Then, rip his clothes off and ravage his body. No matter how strange his tastes may seem, they are things that he holds very near and dear. There are, at last count, 9, This is not the 9,, ,th one. Pay a visit to your favorite book store, health food store, or new-age center and buy one that tickles your fancy.
Taste and smell are senses that should not be ignored, either. You might indulge yourself in a book on aroma therapy, too. Try this one on for size: it is designed to relax inhibitions and warm the heart: Cuddling Oil 2 fl. Jojoba or Sweet Almond oil 6 drops Nutmeg oil 6 drops Sandalwood oil 4 drops Lavender oil 3 drops Tagetes oil Stop by the grocery store on your way home, and do a tour of the aisles with an eye to items that might be Interesting to apply to the stray nipple, labia, or penis.
Pop Rocks, jalapeno peppers, candles, chocolate 26 2 Sexual Magic syrup, clothespins, butter, toothpicks, Oragel. Sugar Pops, and fudge-ripple ice cream. If you get a smile from the clerk instead of bewilderment, be sure to take his or her phone number. Haul all your goodies home and study your tome of massagerie assiduously until your lover arrives. A good dinner is optional depending on the results of your shopping spree you may opt to feed as you knead. Find a clean, comfy surface, plop your lover on her belly, and have at it.
Tiy the techniques in your massage book and add a few of your own. People and methodologies are just too diverse. We do this by using one type of energy: embarrassment, anxiety, fear, etc. By agreeing to be submissive to you, your partner gives you permission to channel her emotional reactions into sexuality. As her dominant, your mission is to control the flow and intensity of her emotions.
You let her emote sexually as you press the buttons that keep her off balance. With her equilibrium disturbed and you controlling her environment, sensations, and movement, she will look to you for stability and security. Even though you are the one causing her distress, as long as you act confident, keep her safe, and erotically stimulated, your control will increase and the session will become more intense.
Spontaneity is wonderful for romance, yet, in SM, we often plan scenes with scrupulous attention to detail. We often discuss exactly what we are going to do and why each one wants to do it. This excessive chatter would seem to stomp all over spontaneity, but somehow, it still works! One key to this is anticipation, a great tool. Keep your submissive nervous as hell. It can have an unnerving effect on the dominant, too. Keep some Rolaids around for those uniquely scary stunts. We call this anticipation instead of worry even though the two are closely related. There are two kinds of worrying a submissive can do.
He has to do all he can to quell those other concerns by letting her know she is loved and lusted after, and that he is capable and trustworthy. The following cartoon illustrates a dominant instilling the good, productive kind of anticipation. Next week sometime. Yes, I will. I know what a reol spanldng is about, objecto-my-most- acute-adoration, you tanned my fanny for half an hour last week ond my silk panties still feel like sandpaper Ah, but, my-dove- of- purest- posslon, I didn't use the No you wont. Yes Oh. Conditioning - three ways to Skinner a pussy Why do your genitals tingle when your lover nibbles your earlobe?
Is this just a physiologically erogenous zone that all people have in common or is there something else at work here? We think your privates are responding to conditioning and that any area of the body can be manipulated in this way. Maybe your lover Is in the habit of beginning iovemaking by sucking on your fingers. If he does this often enough, and in the same way every time, he can evoke a sexual response anytime. Even if you were sitting in church, a quick nibble of your pinky would set your nether parts to tingling.
People learn to expect sexual arousal through association with prior experiences. Ivan Petrovich Pavlov and B. Skinner did some of the initial work in this area of behavioral science. Though Wilson and Leary had a broader soclo- psychological scope, part of what they worked on were methods of sexual imprinting.
They combined techniques of the Hindu Tantra with the use of aphrodisiacs, psychotropic substances, scientific knowledge of the nervous system and human sexuality for reconditioning people away from the repressive sexual attitudes that society impressed upon them. They called these techniques of reimprinting Hedonic Engineering.
We use many of the same techniques in SM without the drugs. Carefully linking powerful, erotic stimulation with slightly painful sensation will also evoke erotic stirrings. Conditioning is a facet of what scene people refer to as slave training, or merely, training. A typical example of this is pinching the nipples while performing clitoral stimulation.
Nipples have an erotic connection anyway, but it can be amplified with a little effort and discipline. Eventually, tweaking a nipple will set off an instant clitoral reaction. Heavy spanking while in the advanced arousal of love-making is another common technique of conditioning. Eventually the swats themselves take on the characteristics of a caress.
Conditioning has other interesting and devious uses. Would you believe that you can make someone orgasm on command? Well, you can. Just imagine the possibilities! An amusing addition to quiet strolls in the park, interesting diversions at formal dinner parties, we could go on and on. Again, it is a matter of linking one set of stimuli to another. In this case, the dominant links sexual arousal and sexual release in his submissive to verbal cues. Repetition and taking plenty of time to get it right are the secrets here. If a word or phrase is repeated often as the sub goes through arousal, that phrase will in itself become stimulation.
Follow this with a different command to orgasm at a point where the sub is on the verge, already and you have a powerful tool. Visualization — Scheherazade goes dom Visualization is transforming fantasies from concepts to mental images through the art of storytelling. It Is usually used as a prelude or theme to a scene. Provocative images and language we gamer from books, movies, and both real and imagined experiences become sensual triggers woven into the labyrinthine tapestry of our sexuality.
Good dominants are constantly fishing for the sensual buttons that drive their submissives nuts. There are thousands of personal styles among SM people. We Molly and Philip tend toward fantasies combining the textures of velvet and broken glass; very romantic and a little scary But high romance puts a lot of people off. Some like to play correcting the brat, or taming the shrew. Still others enjoy villain and hapless-victim scenes. This is one reason that good communication is so important.
This is often how fetishes are bom. One young lady related how her grandmother always bought her leather clothing and boots. She learned to associate leather with looking pretty and loved the attention she got from Grandma when she wore her gifts. When she grew up, and heard how some people use leather, it was instant fetish-time. Once you have a handle on your partner's buttons, you have the key to all sorts of chicanery. Pick out a few elements of her fantasies and spin a feature-length story for her. Some of the best things to focus on are things she is nervous or embarrassed about Speaking her fantasy to her.
Detail makes verbal imagery more vivid and helps one internalize the fantasy. If you carefully develop your story, you can press the buttons that set her mental stage for a very hot time. Rape fantasies, by the way, have nothing to do with a desire to be raped. Rape is a heinous act of non-consensual violence. No one should feel less of herself for having these fantasies and no one has the right to belittle someone who enjoys them.
Please pardon our political digression, where were we? Ah, yes Suppose you and your lady are in the mood for an adventure. Do you remember telling me how much you would love to poke around in the rooms upstairs? You thought no one noticed you leaving, but someone did. At first, you just stroll along the hallway looking at the paintings, feigning disinterest in all those closed doors, but your curiosity gets the better of you and you start peeking in this door and another next to it.
You wonder which of them are the property of the governor and which belong to the state. Then you find the master bedroom. The bed is spread luith a thick, burgundy comforter of satin Still, you realize that someone has caught you and your eyes flit to-and-fro looking for him as they adjust to the all-but-pitch-black room. He is upon you before you can raise your arms to ward him off, sealing your mouth with his palm. He forces you onto the bed. You struggle, but cannot move.
Sensory relocation An example of the boundless flexibility of the human mind is shown by sensory relocation. Sensory relocation is a skill related to conditioning and visualization. It Is the ability to take a sensation given to one part of the body and experience it in another. Practically, one stimulates one part of the body, say the back, and mentally transfers the experience as a sexual sensation to a more erogenous location, such as.
Park your skepticism for a moment. It does work, but it requires some self-conditioning and patience. We use a two stage approach that can take several days to complete. Plan for at least fifteen minutes of quiet, undisturbed time for each session. Gather together a few articles that are unique to the touch such as fur, velvet, leather, sandpaper or glass. Close your eyes. Lightly stroke each object with your fingertips and concentrate on fixing each sensation in your mind.
Try rubbing the objects on other parts of your body. Notice the difference in feel from one place to the next. Run your fingertips over your body while taking care to maintain the same amount of pressure you used with the other objects. Be aware of the different way you experience the same stimulation on different parts of your body. The object of these exercises is to train yourself to recognize and recall the different sensations and textures vividly.
In time, you will be able to remember each one clearly. The next stage is a bit harder. Rub your fingertips over something with a distinct feel such as sandpaper. Visualize the sandpaper rubbing your left nipple instead of your fingers. With imagination and patience you can develop the ability to transfer the feel at your fingertips to your nipple.
Once you have mastered this seemingly silly exercise, have your sweety run his finger lightly over your back, while picturing that touch on your favorite erogenous zone. Whether our activities include role-play, bondage, discipline, humiliation, whipping or what have you, our games always involve one person controlling another. Usually this takes the form of sexual control, though sex need not always be a part of our scenes. Everybody encounters stumbling blocks in experiencing pleasure. For a submissive, many of these are removed by giving her dominant the power to control what happens.
Her focus narrows, she is no longer alone in a hostile universe, the submissive is linked to her dominant. Her master is in charge -- ail will be as he wants it to be. She is not responsible for anything more than doing what she is told. She is free to let herself go where her master, her mind and her body take her. Her inhibitions fall away and she finds new reservoirs within her for experiencing pleasure. To be able to let go completely she has to trust her master thoroughly. Being able to trust so deeply is a wonderful gift.
He tells her to strip naked and she does. He orders her to use her hands, or her mouth, or her breasts, or her pussy and she does. Life is sweet! A dominant also gets to exhibit all the creativity his demonic little soul can muster. He sets the mood, controls the action, and employs the props. It Is as liberating an experience for him as it is for his submissive, but his is the active role, hers, the passive.
Of course, then he can take all the credit for a wonderful session. How does one dominate? It depends upon what makes a submissive feel submissive. Does she respond to tenderness mixed with force? Try a long, lingering kiss while you pin her arms over her head. Does a smoldering look compel her to drop her eyes? Maybe she needs a little more coaxing to drop her defenses. Perhaps a blindfold would help her focus; that, and the sound of a whip whistling through the air ending in a crack like a rifle-shot.
Does that get her attention? The trick is knowing what pushes her to the edge, and what pushes her over it. Use fear, anticipation, mystery and menace, but never let her panic. Temper it with love, tenderness, sexiness and confidence. You have to discover what moves and excites her. A dominant has to prepare the scene in his mind and be bold and sure in its execution. If he is using them, the dominant should be an expert with the props he handles, be they whips, canes, ropes, restraints, or even vibrators.
Get the training for whatever you use, and practice until you consider yourself a pro. Aside from being dangerous, clumsy use of toys spoils the moment and makes your sub afraid to trust you. We'll provide lots of advice on the use of toys in later chapters. How does one submit?
There are a number of prerequisites. She has to want someone to control her. She must trust her dominant enough to give it all up to him. That takes time, caring, and real communication from both partners. The requirements of a submissive are emotional, internal preparations. More often than not, submissives have been preparing themselves internally for years before they come to SM. Their sexual fantasies have frequently been of a submissive nature whether they realized it or not. A good dominant knows which fantasies will lead in constructive directions and which are best left to the imagination.
Some people are prone to fantasies that aren't healthy, others get too carried away with living out their fantasies and end up very unhappy. One pitfall fantasy is the myth of the "total slave. The stress on both partners is just too damned much, even if you both really want to tiy it. In the end. Pretty soon the fantasy wears on your nerves or the whole thing Just gets boring and you end up feeling lousy about each other.
Just let your roles develop naturally. It is a complex topic. We'll be covering these other aspects of dominance and submission in later chapters. If you are part of a couple that is still exploring and learning together, good for you. If you are single and have decided to look for someone to share your search for adventurous sex, good for you, too. Nibbling various morsels from the sexual potpourri is harmless, breaks monotony, and helps you grow. Of course, SM is only one among many choices, but we find that adding Rocky Road to your erotic menu makes vanilla all the more appetizing and can renew the hunger in ongoing relationships.
Allow us to suggest a few recipes to entice new or reluctant gourmets. Steering your love-boat into the rapids Lovers often slip Into SM games unwittingly while experimenting with sexual options. If you have, how did your partner react? Often these simple tactics are all you will need to stir the animal in your paramour. Then again, you may be treading too near troubled waters. Beginners with a positive leaning toward SM arrive with varied measures of interest.
At the ground level are those who are content with daydreams that they would be terrified to put into practice. Go very, very slowly with these people and insist that they set the limits. At the top are people who have always been closet SM'ers and are burning for fate to provide a special someone who shares the dream.
With these folks, set your feet deep into the stirrups and wrap the reins around both fists, you are about to have the ride of your life. Between these extremes are a whole host of motivations and levels of interest.
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Few people can tell you what motivates the excitement they find in SM. Perhaps the largest group of players had no idea they would like SM until they stumbled upon a player or group of players and decided to give it a whirl. They discover an intensity and degree of communication they never dreamed possible, and boom, instant convert Some begin playing SM as a counterpoint to the other parts of their lives. A craving for submission may stem from a life fraught with heavy responsibilities; the release afforded by submitting lends balance.
A corresponding longing to be dominant may arise In someone who is controlled by others in his or her daily life. Again, these folks are seeking balance. We have met people for whom SM offers a way to express fantasies of heroism; a low-impact method of dealing with guilt or low self-esteem; an outlet for satisfying an adventurous spirit; a way of proving themselves worthy to themselves and to their lovers: a vehicle for expressing stylishness; an escape from boredom; a way to shock friends and relatives; an ego trip: an unique career path; a means for seeking revenge; a process for achieving self-improvement through catharsis; a way to find a mate; a proving ground for macho challenges; and simply a source of entertainment.
There are also vast pools of 34 3 The Politics Of Very Strange Bedfellows people for whom SM feels like their natural environment and others who have no idea why they like it. Come to think of it, these are no different than the reasons people give for going to college. The point is, people have their own agendas with very diverse and often complex histories of acquiring them. Some are conscious of it and some are not. There is little or no common thread among people who seek SM. As far as we are concerned, if people enjoy what they are doing and their play is safe, sane, and consensual, it doesn't matter why they pursue it.
I sailed on an immigrant front from London to Lisbon r its first leg on the journey to Buenos Aires. The old vessel carried few passengers so there was good opportunity to converse with the crew. One steamy night the Bosum opened up his locker. He passed me the whip and l fingered the nine well-worts tails and the strongly braided handle with reverence. The tanned, strapping deckhand appeared with a grin on his face. As 1 saw each lash ait its welt into that luscious flesh, I never imagined that years later l would be making such instruments of delicious torture.
Janette Heartwood is a renowned artisan who creates whips that delight the eyes as well as the body. Here she reminisces about an early experience. She graciously allowed us to reprint this piece from her Whips of Passion Catalog. Suppose you have a spouse, a lover, or a significant other to whom you have never revealed your fantasies. We ran into just such a situation with a handsome young couple we met on the nude beach. The young woman took Philip aside and regaled him with nostalgic memories of her previous lover and the bondage games she played with him.
Just out of earshot, her husband was confessing to Molly that many of his exotic fantasies included dominating and being dominated. Though they had been married for seven years, neither spouse dared expose these taboo fantasies to the other, fearing rejection, But given the skinniest chance to make a clean breast without being ridiculed, even to complete strangers, neither could wait to draw aside the veil. We blew their cover for them when the four of us came together later.
At first, they were embarrassed about discovering these secrets about each other, but soon, it was as though the dam had broken and they gushed with enthusiasm. We ran into the lovely couple a few times since that memorable afternoon to discover that they had been happily torturing each other ever after. Is the risk of rejection real or will your loved one value the faith you show by sharing your secrets? There are several ways to minimize the risk. Movies and books are a way of introducing the subject gently. Pick up a magazine at your local adult bookstore that illustrates a variety of sexual options.
When you get to a mild bondage shot admit. What do you think. Mickey Rourke seduces a naive Kim Bassinger into an affair characterized by his probing the limits of Kim's sexual psyche using games of control. This movie illustrates a classic, low-threat, starter situation where there is no actual bondage or beating. This is a way of introducing beginners to the exploration of domination and submission without terrifying them. What you are doing is merely extending what they are already used to, one step at a time.
For those submissively inclined, tiy a mildly aggressive approach. Maneuver your lover against a wall, firmly take her wrists in your hands, pinning her wrists over her head. Plant a world-class kiss on her mouth of the kind that lasts until the following Tuesday. Still, take things slowly and carefully.
Follow up with a moderate performance of your dominant artfulness and let her proclaim you Lord and Master. A submissively oriented lady trying to get her vanilla boyfriend into SM might prepare a surprise for her lover by donning her most seductive dress, then binding her hands to the headboard of the bed. Wear enough clothing to allow your would-be dominant to unwrap his present at his leisure. Are you a good storyteller? You might try snuggling in bed with your flame and beginning a tale with a spicy SM theme.
Some people are very quiet during a story-session, but their breathing will tell you a tale or two. The key to unlocking the secret gates of lust in your cherished one is finding the right imagery. Is your lady looking for a stem daddy? A wise, but kinky mentor? A knight in shining armor? A sinister villain?
A naughty doctor? Does she star in her sacred fantasies as a princess? A lowly slave? A priestess of carnal rites? A heroine enduring the ravages of her captor? A savage huntress needing to be tamed? A virginal maiden? A barroom slut? On the other hand, perhaps your honey needs a mommy to paddle the bad boy out of him.
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Or a strict governess devising nasty little chores for naughty little boys. Or a goddess to worship and put him through his paces. Or a bitch queen to keep him quaking in fear from torture to torture. Once you know how to cast each other, let the fantasies fly! You can set an elaborate scene with props and costumes, if you like, or simply set the stage in your imagination and let nature do the rest. W Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns Submissive males represent the largest group one finds In the scene, photo: Steve Lauer The law of supply and demand If it is better to give than to receive, why are there so many more willing submissive bodies than people willing or knowledgeable enough to properly abuse them?
Submissive males represent the largest group one finds in the scene. There is a tremendous shortage of women in the fetish community. So, fewer women present themselves in sexually liberal environments than do men. Since SM is not only a sexual taboo, but a social one as well, the number of women is decreased all the more. This diminutive figure is further split between submissive and dominant leanings. To begin with, he has to hang out where the dominant women hang out.
Being extremely charming, devilishly handsome, and fabulously wealthy will not hurt his chances or, if he already has a mate, he may be able to teach her to play dorn for him. Some men are so frantic to find a dominant Ms. Right that they attempt to whine, cajole, and annoy the nearest female into topping them. This creates a situation where even an unskilled or cruel mistress will have hoards of desperate slaves begging to slobber over her boots.
This might seem humorous were the risks of abuse not so substantial. Safe, successful domination is an art that relies on instinct, research, education, and practice. The competition for ladies able to assume the dominant role is so stiff, however, that the submissive seeker frequently resorts to the services of a professional domina. Competent dominas may work independently or in a reputable house of domination. Becoming involved and making friends in the public scene will help you find the reliable professionals. Orgy Next Door. Bound Together. S M Partlowe. Husbands on the Down Low.
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