They need rules and expectations so that they will learn to achieve and desire success. The piece that is missing from this equation is warmth. Children who have been raised using such demanding and controlling practices often grow up to have diminished emotional health. Authoritarian practices are not what the Lord uses to parent his children. In fact, this parenting approach more closely resembles the alternate plan drafted by Lucifer prior to the War in Heaven.
Such an approach of lost agency would never be accepted by our Almighty Creator, but it does resemble the authoritarian approach some parents try today. This is a powerful example testifying that God is a god of love, not just of limits. Certainly, it cannot be denied that Heavenly Father allows and encourages his children to choose for themselves. Permissive parenting. Permissive parenting can be considered almost directly opposite to the authoritarian approach. Permissive parents lack almost any standards for their children.
Their approach includes being present for their children as a friend instead of as an authority figure. In fact, these children are not learning from their mistakes at all because appropriate consequences have not occurred. There is a small group of people who would argue that Jesus of the New Testament was permissive.
Certainly the Pharisees thought this. He had compassion on the adulterous woman, after all see John This makes our Heavenly Father unlike permissive parents. He gives commandments to his children and incorporates the perfect amount of mercy and justice in his dealings with all. Love in parenting is absolutely essential.
Permissive parents do have the warmth in parenting that authoritarian parents are missing, but like authoritarian parents, they are not modeling our Heavenly Father. Balanced or authoritative parenting. Rules allow a child to be safe and learn morals and values. On the other hand, permissive parenting includes love, which also is a divine attribute.
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The balance of love and limits is what allows these children to be successful in their self-reliance, self-control, overall contentedness, and curiosity about learning. Heavenly Father is a perfectly balanced parent. His actions suit the needs of his children.
His commandments are the limits and guidelines that he has sent for the betterment of our world and us as individuals. President Thomas S. Likewise, the Lord has provided guidelines and commandments to help ensure our spiritual safety so that we might successfully navigate this often treacherous mortal existence and return eventually to our Heavenly Father.
A hymn emphasizes this principle in these words:. The perfect paradox of balanced parenting is the ability that these parents have, including Heavenly Father, to set limits yet extend unconditional love to their children no matter their choices. These children are not starving for any of these essential ingredients—feeling loved, knowing the right way, or being able to choose that way themselves.
The examples of parents who followed the Lord are exactly what the Lord wants us to do in our own families. Elder Lynn G. He is the one perfect parent, and he has shared with us his parenting manual—the scriptures.
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A manual is to be used for action and wisdom, not just for obtaining knowledge, and scriptures should be used in this way. In Moses 5, Adam and Eve rejoice in their being expelled from the garden because of all that they were able to learn, experience, and enjoy with their mortal tabernacles, including the bearing of their children. Yet Adam and Eve continued striving to teach their children.
This is an example of setting limits yet loving children. Authoritarian parents would have tried to force obedience instead of using long-suffering and tender pleadings. Lehi and Sariah from the Book of Mormon also demonstrate inspired parenting methods that must have been learned from on high. In 1 Nephi chapter 2, Lehi encourages his children in a way that shows love, yet creates reasonable expectations. Children can still choose to disobey balanced parents.
Instead, Lehi demonstrates enlightened parenting with his combined use of setting expectations for his sons limits and believing in their potential love. Alma the Younger is another prime example of using the model of balanced parenting on his own children. His well-known words to his sons in Alma 36—42 illustrate his obedience in this regard. Authoritative parenting also includes reaching children in personalized ways according to their needs.
Alma does this clearly in the varied subjects that he discusses with his sons. Alma pleads that Helaman will listen to his advice. Alma tells his conversion story and allows Helaman to draw his own conclusions. When talking to Shiblon, Alma used a different approach. An authoritarian parent would probably have withheld the encouragement, and a permissive parent might have told Shiblon that he was wonderful in general without specificly commending the efforts that had been made to do right.
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Because authoritative parents love their children, they do not always find it easy to discipline or rebuke their children, but they do it anyway because they know that their children will grow from the guidance. This is the task that Alma had to face when addressing his third son, Corianton. His words came from love but included much admonition. Authoritative parents do not use loud language to convey their messages to their children. If a parent screams at a child, the child is unlikely to listen to what the parent says.
Keep the lines of communication open between you and your ex-partner and do not use your child as a pigeon carrier. If you have friends or family who are encouraging childish behaviour or using your child as an emotional chess piece, rise above it and choose a mature response to every issue or challenge. Not everyone is suited to parenthood but if there is a real mutual love for the child there is a good chance everyone will come out unscathed. You can follow his Facebook updates here.
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You may change your settings at any time but this may impact on the functionality of the site. To learn more see our Cookies Policy. Karl Melvin Psychotherapist. So how should parents deal with the aftermath of separation? Here are some tips: 1. Deal with your guilt.
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If the breakup is particularly nasty, you might face resistance from your ex-partner. Ensure your children are not carrying the burden. Your child needs to feel valued for who they are, not for what they do. Remind them they have not been abandoned. Express your emotions. Fill the void. Park the bias. Give them the freedom to choose. Maintain the parental role. Parenthood is for life. Work together. Irrespective of how you feel about each other, get over it and stick to the job at hand. Short URL. About the author:. About the author. See more articles by Karl Melvin.
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